Going Great!

A.A. is going great! I have since realized so many things! Being an alcoholic can control your whole life. When you are one, you are constantly irritable and with un-rest until you satisfy that craving. You have to fix it with either alcohol or A.A. You might not even realize this behavior is going on with you for a very long time like me. I tried many things to try to drink like other people. Nothing worked and I was always unpredictable and never fully happy unless I was drunk. That is why I couldn't wait for the next drink, I wanted to feel good about myself and feel that I had friends and a life and that I was owed these little breaks from life. Constantly trying to convince my Husband that there is nothing wrong with going out like that and that it was my break. I was dead wrong! I realize now that if I kept going on like that, I would have turned in to a low-bottom drunk.... eventually.

It also never mattered how bad the hangover was or the negligent behavior towards my children, something in my sick brain would always justify it and tell me I need to go out for another round of fun. Not anymore, A.A. has given me the tools to recognize that my self knowledge about the way I want to live life is pretty much wrong and that I can re-wire my brain a little or a lot to say no to those old desires. Alcoholics have a very big ego and think only of themselves, not meaning to do it, but they do in so many ways. I have to deflate that ego! I have to fill that void with A.A. and listen to how other people like me fixed this behavior.

Today is my 20th day and I have been to 20 meeting! Amazing! These have not caused as big a hiccup in my life as I really feared they would in the beginning. If anything they have been a life saver of course! Tomorrow I am joining my sponsors "home-group" and am looking forward to it. One day at a time though.