My Epiphany

Lets start here with the beginning of my journey. Basically, I had an epiphany last Sunday when I awoke on a friends sofa, my cell phone ringing and it was 6:45 in the morning. What had I done, why was I not home with my children, how could I have done this.... again! Head pounding, I answered the phone, it was my husband. With the background noise of my little ones quietly playing, he says "get your ass home, bring  my car home and then you get out of here."

Now that all sucks really bad! I was in trouble at the home front again. I drove on home with alcohol still running through my veins I am sure. When I got there, he asked/stated, either you leave or I will (for a few hours he meant). Now let me tell you the plan for that Sunday at 3pm, family and friends where invited to come for our sons 3rd birthday party! You probably are thinking, how come she went out the night before and knowing her son's very special day was set, drank too much and will probably be hung over? Answer: I must not have the ability to only have "a few" responsibly.

Once home I tried to pretend that I felt okay, I was sorry, but okay, and I would make it through the day as planned. Other thoughts where going through my head though. I was thinking "I had a problem with drinking and I think I need to go get checked in to some rehab center and get fixed." I did end up saying that to my husband but to no prevailing action. I decided to be the one to stay home and so he left, saying he would be back at 2 or so to attend the birthday party.

Alone at home with the children, 9:00am, all I could do was put the young one in his crib to constrain him and convince the oldest to lay down with me in her bed and take a nap! I was so ill and couldn't function. That didn't go so well. Both children were wide awake and telling me over and over again to wake up and I just couldn't. I mustered to my oldest instructions to go call her father and ask him to come back home because I wasn't doing anything. He came home by 9:30 and asked me to leave the house, I simply moved to our bed, he followed and asked me again to leave. Giving up on me taking any action, he called my Mom and had her come pick me up! He told me to stay away for a few days and then he left with the kids to the park.

When my Mom and friend got one look at me, they said "I think you need to go to A.A.." I completely agreed for some reason. But first I had to sleep this hangover off! With much balling and self shame I awoke at my Mothers house that evening, had some great, deep conversations with her and planned my next move. The internet gave me the info for A.A. meetings and I said I would go to the Monday one at Noon. My epiphany was that I could not drink a single drink anymore.

I will end this first post here and continue from this point with the next post.

Thank you for letting me share.